Tuesday, January 17, 2012

How are you pronounced?

I have been reading Joan Didion's Blue Nights and among the many, many thoughts that curl around me as I read, ponder, imagine is her reference to Ntozake Shange. I know that name. Have I read her book, her poems?

Medical alert: my brain has been on vacation, pining for estrogen, low in neuroplasticity, a term used first by the Polish neuroscientist Jersy Konorski -- not the writer Jerzy Kozinski, although pronouncing either name is vaguely orgasmic. I Google "Shange," learn how to pronounce "en-toh-ZAH-kee SHAHN-gay." Say that, enjoy the pleasure: "en-toh-ZAH-kee." Makes you want to change your name, does it not? To have a name that sings itself?

I changed my name when I was 34 years old and completely divorced. Completely, that is, compared to kind of separated (still living together), formally separated (living apart), legally separated (paying money to a lawyer, signing a piece of paper, counting months until divorce). That was in the gray ages when someone had to be at fault. I wanted to leave, so I accepted the charge: Mental Cruelty. Say that, lips pressed, breath expelled, a pout, tongue to teeth, "Men... tull... crew... ull... tee!" Say "Mary." Say "Marry." "Mary does not want to stay Mary-ied."

Over a Sunday morning plate full of tidbits from Frisch's breakfast buffet in Cincinnati, Ohio, I announced to my lover, Len, that I must change my name. When he asked what name I was considering, I said "Vladimir Shostakovitz." A whole alphabet of mouth play.

Ntozake knew that "Paulette L. Williams" was not a name that was going anywhere. I knew the name "Mary Schwab" could not hold the woman I would become. I wished to break completely, dump the "Mary" as well as the "Schwab." But I was drifting without the tether I'd been taught to desire -- life as a wife -- and needed something familiar in the lone container of my self. Though I longed to be a "Maya" or a "Simone" or even an "Ntozake," I kept "Mary" for safety, for assurance, and looked to goddesses for the unexpected.

Everyone loves Athena; everyone knows Diana. More private, a quiet healer, the goddess I chose was known for protecting her believers from evil spirits. By the time she reached the Greeks she was the cat-goddess.

Still worshiped today (see per.Bast.org), her name creates a yearning.

Say "Buh." Breathe "ahh." Push your teeth with "sss." Then tongue it: "tuh."

"Buhahhssstuh."


Monday, January 9, 2012

Unfamiliar Territory

(Continued from Land of the Birds)

Thursday, July 7, 1988:

Nikki and I awoke early in Rarotonga yesterday from anxious dreams about being in unfamiliar territory. After two weeks on the island of Atiu we'll probably come back to the "civilized" world and wonder why we do all the things we do. But in these early days we'll have to adapt to a simpler life. Few Atiuan homes have running water, for example. Instead, most collect rain water. Becky says "When it's time to wash up you'll take a pitcher and basin to the bath house. Do it the way birds do."

In Atiu's traditional Christian culture, women are expected to dress modestly. Bathing suits, short shorts, or low-cut tops are not acceptable, although families may have different standards for attire in the privacy of their homes. For swimming and as a cover-up at home, Nikki and I each bought a pareu (sarong), two yards of cloth to wrap around the body in various ways. We chose the same dark blue and green on white pattern.

I'm now sitting in bed in my small room in Atiu at 5:15 a.m. The canopy is made of white lace, and a gentle cross-breeze flows from the window to the open hall in the middle of the house on this hot, muggy morning. I'm glad I brought a battery-operated book light, because electricity on the island is turned off between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m.

Washing up was easier than I expected because the collected rainwater flows from a spigot in the bath house. Before "doing as the birds do" last night, I brushed my teeth and rinsed the brush in my bath water  I was a bit nervous using the outdoor toilet in the dark, but found it flushes with only a little help from a bucket of water kept at the door of the outhouse.

So much is new, some expected because of our briefings, some surprising. It's certainly true, as we've been told by many people, that families here are wonderfully generous and caring. I have the good fortune to live at the home of the mayor, called Papa Tu by everyone because of his position in the village, and his wife Teu Mere, or Mere for short -- a name pronounced like mine: Mare-Ray, though I'm to call her "Mama."
Mama (Mere) on the right, in blue

As promised, our plane (one of two) was met yesterday by our host families and we were draped with eis (called leis in Hawaii) and our hair bedecked with garlands of flowers. I went with Mama right away to our home, where she served me fresh coconut milk (in a coconut), and two kinds of coconut meat: the nutty, mature meat and the immature flesh of the sprouting coconut -- fluffy, juicy, and very tender, similar in flavor but more delicate. 

After the second plane arrived, we were all taken to two umukai's (feasts), the first an official greeting by Papa Tu and the head ariki (chieftain). Because it's customary for guests to eat first, our hosts did not join us in this feast of passion fruit juice, chicken, bananas, cookies, marinated squash, and a staple of the island called taro. This bland-tasting root looks somewhat like a sweet potato, although it can be grey or white or pink. Papa Tu says the color varies by where it's grown and how much moisture surrounds it.

The second umukai followed a brief religious ceremony at the Sunday School. Papa Tu, who is also the assistant minister, introduced the minister -- a younger, quite heavy man with a booming voice, who gave a sermon on love. I taped the traditional hymn which was sung in Maori, eerie and beautiful, all the voices clear and joyful.

My island family is highly religious. Yesterday evening, after I was shown to the bath house and we had coffee, tea, and more taro with butter, some of the children and Mama's sister Rongo came in for evening devotion. Papa Tu played the guitar while all sang a folk hymn in a combination of Maori and English. Mama and the children alternated reading verses from the Bible in Maori. In my honor, Papa Tu read in English. Then we had a closing prayer.

Papa Tu and Mere have raised 21 children; only the two youngest boys still at home. Newton is 10 years old and very handsome, named after the town in New Zealand where five of their children lived at one time. Another son lives in the next village because he has a girlfriend there. I asked if they are married, and Papa Tu said, "Not yet. It is better that they know each other first, so they don't divorce right away, as so many have done." This son and his girlfriend have a two-year-old boy.

Papa Tu is very proud of his family, especially his oldest brother, who has passed away. In their inside sitting room are photographs on the walls, decorated with shell necklaces. This brother's picture is displayed prominently next to one of Papa Tu when he was younger. This oldest brother, Vainerere Tangatapoto, was Becky Stephenson's "Papa" on the island -- the one she lived with for a year and a half thirteen years ago while collecting data for her dissertation in anthropology. Papa says his brother loved Becky like a daughter and she loved him like a father.

Clearly, Papa Tu's favorite son is his namesake, who lives in New Zealand and is very much missed. Papa recalls with great tenderness Teio Tu's helpfulness as a boy. Mama says Teio Tu helped Papa put up the kitchen ceiling when he was only 12 years old.

There are other children about, mostly nieces, and one granddaughter. Of one of the nieces, Tau, Papa Tu says her parents are "not good." These relatives of Mama's, he said, drink a lot and go away at night with their "gang," leaving the children unattended.

Humor is a big part of their lives. Papa Tu teased Mama that only her relatives are bad. Even his nephew joked with Papa at the feast last night, saying everyone hoped Papa would keep his speech short.

Mama speaks English quite well, though not as fluently as Papa. This is, I suspect, partly due to personality, and partly to roles. Papa Tu does most of the talking and he's the one who decides what's appropriate behavior for me. Mama is present, adding comments or laughing.

In this morning's briefing we were asked to describe to the Earthwatch group what we've observed so far, and I found myself tongue-tied, trying to share how open my family has been and how touched I am by their stability and spiritual depth. Though many described themselves as happy with their families, I believe I'm the luckiest to be with mine. I'm interested in the island's history and traditions, and my family holds to most of the historical culture. Nikki is with a "modern" family -- they watch TV (VCR) till midnight, drink Diet Pepsi, and eat mostly tinned food. I'm sure her "Mama" believes she is serving her guest especially well, but Nikki isn't experiencing the old ways of the islanders. There was much laughter in my family, for example, when Mama dressed me in this traditional costume.

(to be continued)